Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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