i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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