Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
