I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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