I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
