is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
