So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
