Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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