I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
