you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize