dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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