just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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