my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
