Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
