My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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