it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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