Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
