This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
