dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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