she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
