she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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