party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
