I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
