she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
