if i can run in heels then i can drive
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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