Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
