We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
