i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
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