After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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