I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
