Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
