handjob tips. give me some.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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