I cannot find my penis.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
