Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
