dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the day after is always just damage control
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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