Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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