oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
