Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
