At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
