I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
