I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
