Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
