You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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