Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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