Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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