are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
