This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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