Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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