Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
