i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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