HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
