people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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