I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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