Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
