she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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