How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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