your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
