I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize