R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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