Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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