Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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