This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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