i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize