When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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