Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize