Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
