Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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