Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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