My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
