I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
