I want to stick my p in your. b.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize